Savvy reader(s) may have noticed that I tagged my yesterday post Optimist Project. I am not naturally optimistic. I'm cynical, pessimistic and a chronic worrier.
I've been thinking that I have a million little things to be greatful for and that if I focus attention to consciously taking note of the little things that make me smile each day, I might not only hit the pillow more content each night but I might also, over time, condition myself to become more optimistic. You can expect to see these reflected on my blog.
Here's the trouble: I still have lots of things that make me crazy and there are going to be days where I just need to whine about the shit that is making me want to say fuck it and jump in my car and drive away.
Today is one of those days.
I don't want to drive away from family, I just want to escape from the job. Some days, it is the general soul-crushing nature of working in a bureaucracy that gets me. Today, however, it is the little things.
* It's the annoying Director from another ministry that calls my boss instead of me because his title is Executive Director - totally disregarding the reality that he won't know the answer to her questions because I am actually the contact for her ministry and on this file. The sense that it's the title that matters not the knowledge makes me nuts.
* It's the paper-flow processes that aren't working.
* It's the lack of clarity.
It's the sense of resignation all these things together create in me.
Huh. It's kind of like the opposite of my little optimist project. If the little positives together are what makes life worth living, maybe there is value in paying attention to the little negatives coupled together and thinking about what they, put together, do to me too. Huh. Need to file this away for further reflection.
To counterbalance the negative, this made me smile this morning:
* "Mummy, you look great!"