“If Mittens chose to save Baby Penguin based on his beliefs and Mittens’ beliefs are not in his direct control, does Mittens really have free will?”
Thursday, March 29, 2007
I can't believe how fast this time at home is passing - I just want to slow the clock down and get better at cherishing every day because before I know it I'll be back at work (I know it's months a way but the first two and a half months have flown by and time seems to go at an inexplicable rate once there are children around to measure it by).
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I've been tagged for the Real Moms meme. Here goes...
- Real Moms lead fulfilling lives from which they don't need to be rescued by singletons with fabulous social lives (though sometimes real moms peruse the classifieds and fantasize about the lives they would lead in lofts or one bedroom apartments downtown).
- Real Moms Are horrified to hear themselves saying something their mother used to say that they swore they never would (though real moms have a new found respect and appreciation for their moms).
- Real Moms Don't need to be judged by anybody else because chances are they are already judging themselves more harshly than anyone else would.
- Real Moms worry like they never imagined they could pre-momdom - these babies came to me absolutely perfect and I'm only going to screw them up, please God let me not screw them up too bad.
- Real Moms are incredibly proud of their children but are trying really hard not to be that mother that talks up her children ALL THE TIME.
- Real Moms love to go for beers after work and don't even feel guilty (most of the time).
- Real Moms appreciate peace and quiet but when they get it find it really quiet.
- Real Moms forget what it is like to have any real privacy and completely understand why that place they babysat at when they were a teenager had locks on the outside of the kids doors (even if they wouldn't consider it themselves).
- Real Moms don't think of themselves as real moms all the time because aren't real moms older than this?
- Real Moms don't always follow the rules, e.g. no picture below even though the assignment specifically called for a picture.
My next job is to tag other moms for this as well, W., Nancy, you're up. Any lurking moms, it's time to de-lurk and respond to the challenge. Mum, I know you don't have a blog but I'm tagging you to respond via the comments, you too Jenn (if you're reading).
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
Anyway, as it turns out this post has nothing to do with the phrase or the book beyond the first paragraph, but this way I will have to read that book so that I can follow up later. While there is no reason, sometimes there is a method to my madness :)
What I love about blogging is that it's (like W says) like going for coffee with one of your friends when you read their posts and comments. It gives you a little bit of insight into what is going on in their world for that moment and lets you share a little bit of what's going on in yours. I notice when I talk to friends on the phone that read my blog (or those that have one that I read) that we sometimes have a bit less to talk about because we've just gone for coffee (to make further use of the analogy) and already know what's going on. What makes it different from sharing a nice warm cup of coffee (or lemon tea with honey) with a friend, though, is that our conversations might be in completely different places - I might be droning on and on about something trivial like catch-22 (see how it all pulls together?) only to surf over to a friend's blog and see that something life changing is happening in her world. I would never monopolize a conversation whining about how I'm struggling to decide what colour to paint my spare bedroom while my friend sat there with tears running down her cheeks because her sister just lost her baby. But that's exactly what happens sometimes in blog world - I'm sitting here indulging myself while someone else is pouring their heart out. I almost feel like a jerk for my trivial post until I remember that if they are reading it they are probably looking for the distraction - just like at coffee when they ask about what paint colours I'm considering for my spare bedroom. Any suggestions?
When I was pregnant with Hunter I gained almost 60 pounds and I'm sure I wore my maternity pants for about two months afterwards. That time I was smart enough not to weigh myself until about three months after he was born so it wasn't as depressing and I know that by about six or seven months post-partum I weighed less (about 15 pounds less) than I did when I got pregnant so I know it can be done, but today the numbers are so daunting.
It is exactly five months until our ten year wedding anniversary (unbelievable) so I figured today would be a good starting point for posting monthly on the progress. While I know I'm not supposed to diet until Julia is eating other foods I can make sure that I'm putting the best fuel possible into my body and I can step up the exercise beyond the daily walks. I'll keep you posted.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Nice long walk with the family (twice);
Cookie and muffin baking;
Photo appointment booked;
Hunter's dresser cleaned out (again - the kid is growing like mad);
Julia's change table cleaned out (she's already outgrown stuff, I can't believe it);
Registered in gym classes (Julia and I are doing yoga); and,
Relaxing bath with a good book (Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk - highly recommended if you have a strong stomach and like his stuff - I think it may be his best).
Yesterday was so good, I don't even feel guilty that little to nothing was accomplished today.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Of her three books written for adults, two I read so long ago I don't really remember them, the other one, Summer Sisters, I still pick up and read once in a while when I'm desperate for a quick afternoon read (I am seriously a reading escapist - I've read at least a half dozen novels since starting maternity leave and was actually reading one to keep my mind off contractions when Julia was on her way - books are my drugs). The thing I remember most clearly from when I first read Summer Sisters was this part where one of the main characters, Vix, catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror when she is going through major emotional turmoil and sees that her face betrays nothing. A poker face at the most unhelpful time.
I'm awful at not betraying a terrible or terribly good hand at cards. I have great difficulty not betraying a level of arrogance when in arguments about work, policy, or politics. But when it comes to things that actually matter I think I sometimes conceal myself a little too well. I place an unfair burden on those close to me to be really good at discerning my tells and striking the balance that won't lead to my flight instinct. I think that's why I'm struggling with this blog writing: it has the capacity to expose me. Because of the dooce factor I'm not sure I can stay safely hidden behind cutting and cynicial comments about politics and policy, where I think I'm at my funniest. I think fear of exposure is why when I thought about writing seriously I was attracted to journalism where the job is to lay others bare or report the facts without inserting any part of yourself into the story. I think it's probably why I'm a good policy writer - policy writing is supposed to be emotionless.
Lately, my flight instinct on this blog has been pretty high. I could just drop it: that would be soo much easier and I think I could get away with it too using the new baby as an excuse. Truth is, I don't really want to drop it, though; I like being challenged in this way and even if it remains sub par I think it will help keep the old writing muscle from getting too flabby over the next 10 months (Oh God, I'm already down to ten months).
Working through this has changed the way I read books as well. I'm looking for the patterns in the author's tales - what is it the author is trying to work through as they repeatedly revisit similar characters or plots? All authors do it no matter how talented - they tell the same stories, make the same points, again and again, each time working it out in a different way. I wonder what Judy Blume's body of work says about her? At the end of my maternity leave, what will this blog say about me (other than the fact that I had great difficulty actually writing anything)?
Friday, March 9, 2007
Thursday, March 8, 2007
I've been using today to think about some of the amazing women I know (or have known). In Women's Studies 100 (at least mine) one of the assignments is to write about a woman who has influenced you. When my cousin took the course she interviewed a prominent political figure for the assignment. A brilliant idea that I may have stolen had I taken the course after her not before her. For me the assignment was more personal - I had great difficulty narrowing down my subject matter. I could write about family members - my Mum, my Grandma C (who is somewhat of a legend in our family), childhood friends who had shaped and changed me - Jenn with her ability to capture everyone in her realm with her warmth, Nancy for her rebellion and her humour, Adrienne for her incredible strength even as a young girl. Being in my first year of University I hadn't even had the privilege of really knowing any of the amazing women I had met and would meet in University because that would have made the task even harder. Ten years later, it would be a million times harder.
Ultimately, I ended up writing about Jean Stuve, my first boss and one of the most intriguing women I have ever had the good fortune to know. Jean was in her seventies when I knew her and was incredibly giving and open-minded. I think I knew her at the right time in my life, though, because she was also incredibly stubborn and had I known her as an adult we may have butted heads more and I'm afraid that may have meant that I didn't listen or learn as much as I could have. As it was, I learned a lot. I knew Jean for about three years and picked up bits and pieces of her history in that time - it was obvious through her stories that the heartbreaking challenges she faced in her life were the very things that contributed to the tremendous woman she was. I find it reassuring to know that personal tragedies and challenges have the capacity to immeasurably improve who we are but I'm also happy to report that there are less painful ways to sculpt ourselves and that is through the people we meet in our lives. Jean passed away a couple years ago and I have a couple of regrets about the paper I wrote about her: one is that I didn't phone her and interview her because it would have been a great opportunity to learn more about her and when it came right down to it I didn't feel that I knew nearly enough; the other is that I didn't send the paper to her or at least tell her how much knowing her meant to me.
In honour of Jean and of International Women's Day I'm going to lay down my first writing challenge to my fellow bloggers (and myself). Write a blog entry about a woman who has influenced who you are. Better yet, do this more than once.